As a child, I was told that I was lucky to have divorced parents. I mean, two birthdays,
two Christmas mornings, two of basically sounds great, right? Those stereotypes are far from
right. I remember divorce being two people who I never remember loving each other and
fighting through me on Wednesdays, and every other weekend. Divorce was choosing where I
wanted to spend a holiday while I was sick to my stomach that if I picked one over the other, the
parent I didn’t choose would love me less. My personal favorite is when I would get told how
much I looked like one over the other or stop doing that because my parent used to. That’s how I
remember divorce. But, the effect that it has on the youth who have dealt with divorce and the
aftermath affects every aspect of life.
Since 1990-2010 roughly 19 couples in a pool of 1000 married couples get divorced each
year, according to a study done by Bowling Green University. As a recent study by the American
Bar Association, roughly 50% of children are products of divorce and 55% of all divorces
involve 2 or more children referred to as a “Grey Divorce”. Now what does that mean for this
generation, our generation? What standard does that set for how children of divorce view the
relationships in their lives? Did you know that “Children of divorced or separated parents are 1.5
to 2 times more likely to live in poverty and engage in risky sexual behavior as they age”? Now
is this a causation? Maybe. Maybe not. But, it is a correlation. What role models do we have for
a healthy relationship? How does father or mother hunger affect children?
A scary reality is that 50% of children born since 1990 have experienced divorce. This
means that roughly 50% of people who were born from 1990 to 2010 are 1.5 to 2 times more
likely to live in poverty and engage in risky sexual behavior as they age. With that being said can
this be attributed to the rise in sexual misconduct over the years in high schools and colleges all
across America? I think about my childhood where fortunately I had a stepfather who treated me
as his own. I had several male role models throughout my life that I have looked up to and
learned from. But, I also think about my friends who didn’t have that. Who had step-parents that
treated them poorly. My friends who didn’t have positive role models in their lives they could
look up to. Now more than ever it is easy to find people on the internet to be influenced. Hell,
there are whole industries built of “influencers” who are paid to influence people to gravitate to a
product or idea.
Although music has been a voice for those who have expressed this type of pain in
several different ways. Blink 182 and Angels and Airwaves frontman Tom Delong has expressed
the pain and the everlasting damage in his song “Stay Together for the Kids” by Blink 182 and
“Rite of Spring” by Angels and Airwaves. Another artist known for speaking about the pain of
parental trauma and how it affected her relationships is Kelly Clarkson with her song “Piece by
Peice”. Each of them has had an impact on how people express their feelings which can only be
summed up by someone who has delt with divorce. But, as these two caputure the aftermath
emotions of divorce p!ink’s “Family Portrait” captures the realities of what its like being a child
in a toxic home environment.
That is why we, as a generation have to reset the concept of relationships. We have to
reset the standard of healthy functioning relationships which starts with simply having respect
for each other. There’s an adage that says “Happy wife, happy life.” and I think this is just
wrong. It really should be “Respect each other.” relationships begin to fail when one begins to
lose respect and appreciation for each other. Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself. As a society,
we need to set better role models so that the trauma of the best doesn’t continue to future
generations. We can’t let the trauma of our lives affect the way that our kids look at relationships.
We have to learn from the past generation’s faults to learn how to not better our lives but, to
better the lives of our kids.