Abuse, violence, and humiliation should never be confused with love. Sometimes that’s how people express their love, but that’s a different topic. October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and if you’ve been waiting for the right time to speak up, there isn’t a better time.
Originally a 24 hour thing, according to the Domestic Violence Awareness Project, DVAM started almost 40 years ago. “Day of Unity” was founded by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and it eventually turned into a week. Now it’s recognized nationally the whole month of October. The purpose of DVAM was to connect those who were striving to end domestic violence against women and children. Today, we know domestic violence can affect both men and women of any age, race, religion, or social class.
What is Domestic Violence?
The dictionary defines Domestic Violence as “violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner”.
Domestic violence comes in many forms: physical, sexual, psychological etc. It can be a slap in the face, the tugging of your hair, name calling, stalking, bullying, threats. Pretty much anything done for the purpose of destroying any confidence and strength you still have left.
Being put down by an intimate partner most days, and then loved other days, is confusing and exhausting. Living in a society where aggressive and controlling behavior by men is normalized doesn’t help either. At first you may not even know that you’re in an unhealthy abusive relationship, but eventually it consumes you.
You’re not Alone
I’m only 22 and have already known so many people who have been domestic violence victims, myself included. I was around this behavior as an adolescent and it was kind of the norm in my family. I remember being in high school and recognizing unhealthy behaviors in relationships around me, just at the age of 18. By that time I was fully aware of how abusive, demeaning, controlling and manipulating some partners could be.
According to Psychology Today, one in three women and one in three men have been in abusive relationships. So basically if you’re at home hanging out with two of your friends, at least one of you in the group has been abusively mistreated by an intimate partner.
Everyone who’s been a victim knows that nasty pain of feeling worthless, depressed and stuck. No matter what way(s) you experience domestic violence, your health and well being are at stake. That being said, it’s a toxic cycle that is very hard to get out of, but not impossible.
The freedom and happiness that you crave all starts with you, and it starts with the amount of love you want to have for yourself. It sounds corny but it’s true. I’m not a doctor or a therapist, and everyone’s relationship is different, but we all accept the love we think we deserve.
For a domestic violence victim, a support system is crucial to recovery. One close friend or family member is enough to guide you toward a new and more healthy lifestyle. Having someone you can call on those days you’re feeling extra down can really make a difference between recovery and falling back into old familiar patterns. You can’t expect to do it all on your own, and you shouldn’t have to.
Although it’s not as simple as getting up and leaving, we all start somewhere. Too many people have lost their lives because they felt isolated, but there are resources available and Domestic Violence Awareness Month is a reminder of that. Most of the time, feeling alone is just a result of the abuse you’ve endured. Once you’re aware of that, reaching out to a support system is a little easier. If you’re going through domestic violence, you don’t have to stay there and I hope reading my personal thoughts about it helped you think about that.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233 (1-800-799-SAFE)
http://www.ndvh.org