By: Marlyn Angeles
In today’s depictions of families and parental figures, there are many shows that work towards incorporating different parent and family dynamics. However, along with this representation comes the many stereotypes that those that interact with same-sex couples, hold and use against these parents. Media has the opportunity to use these TV shows to shed light on the positives that same-sex couples bring in raising a family. While there is far more representation of LGBTQ+ couples in the media, there needs to be an accurate and positive representation of those couples.
The Fosters (Season 1, Episode 2)
In a show called The Fosters, there is a unique family that this show follows. Representing same-sex relationships, this show is based on a household with two mothers Steph and Lena, and about 5 foster children that they are raising together. This show depicts these two same-sex parents and how they govern and run their household. Both of the women are employed and both take on the big responsibility of raising these foster children together. This episode depicts how often times people doubt whether same-sex couples are raising their children ‘right’.
In this show, the father of one of the adopted sons Mike, who is also the ex-husband to Steph, thinks that the moms were too soft in punishing their son by not grounding him for running away and disobeying them. Mike thinks that the two moms are incapable of being strict and good parents. While this show does a good job representing the criticism that comes with a household run by a same-sex couple, the way that tensions are dealt with is beyond insulting to couples and persons that identify with this couple.
This show while showing same-sex relationships in good light, also tries to beat down and insult LGBTQ+ couple’s parenting capability. If we are trying to normalize same-sex couples, we need to incorporate them into shows where their character isn’t questioned. This show touches on the toxic hypermasculinity that exists in our society because Mike thinks that these two mothers will not be able to punish and set boundaries because they are women and their parenting style is softer than what Mike thinks the children deserve.
Outside Medaling in Parenting
At one point during the show, Mike asks Steph if he could go over to have a discussion with Steph and Lena about their decision on not punishing their son. He believes that there should be punishment and goes as far as lecturing them in their own home about what they should do. He is trying to put his opinion above theirs suggesting that it is better and theirs is irrelevant. He tries to assert the fact that since he is the father and that Steph is the mother, that Lena should have no say in deciding what is best for ‘his’ son. He tries to tell Brandon directly and then Brandon makes the point that his father is never around so why should he listen to him. Brandon then says “Let me know who I’m supposed to be taking orders from.”
As the primary custodians, Lina and Steph display throughout the show that they are more than capable of choosing the right and ethically correct way of parenting their children. Throughout the Netflix TV show, time and time again people criticize this couple and doubt their capabilities, and the tension between Mike and Steph and Lina emphasizes the cultural belief that same-sex parents need outside medaling and outside guidance to parent “correctly”. However, this brings into question, what is the correct way of parenting? Just because a couple is of the same-sex culturally there is a belief that these children will not receive the same kind of parenting as with a heterosexual couple.
This show goes to show these stereotypes and doubts that many hold. However, if we want to continue to incorporate LGBTQ+ couples in good light we need to not derail their characters in TV shows and rather deal with tensions as such in different ways that don’t directly criticize their parenting. As we know, many people subconsciously intake these stereotypes and mediated messages that are portrayed throughout media and begin using them throughout their lives.
LGBTQ+ Couple Defends Themselves
In this specific same-sex relationship, we see a cop mom Steph, who seems to be the one who does the more stern talking and who does the lecturing to the children while her partner Lena is also involved in the decision making, is often the more lenient and the kind one. I think this is important to note because it is demonstrating that Lesbian couples are often stereotyped as one being more masculine than the other and “wears the pants” in the relationship. However, this is not always the case. Both take part in governing their children and this show puts their parenting to test, outside opinions and other factors that want to make them feel like they aren’t capable of raising children correctly.
However, throughout just this episode we see that these two women are fully capable of parenting their children in an ethical and compassionate way. We get exposed to the reality that same-sex parent households can very much function and while it may look different from traditional families and traditional parent norms, they still manage to raise their kids in an ethical way. And this is where media and more commonly TV shows fall short. There needs to be this display of same-sex couples without having the outside metalling of others that show their parenting in a derogative way.
Activism
Ways that you can help push for accurate and fair representation of LGBTQ+ couples/ family dynamics are by:
- Creating your own petition as many that have previously existed are now closed. Creating a petition for an accurate representation of LGBTQ+ couples and getting people in your community to sign it as well as posting it online to get further exposure can help increase awareness of the lack of fair display of same-sex couples.
- Another way you can push the media for change is by writing to big networks such as Netflix, Hulu, Prime, etc., and demanding for more diverse representations as well as representation that doesn’t put these LGBTQ+ couples in a bad light and rather makes them become a normalized dynamic that works as efficiently as well as any other household dynamic.
- Overall, noticing that these shows tend to be inaccurate and display same-sex couples in a derogative way can be the first step as you are educating yourself and not feeding into what media wants you to believe. Educating others about this by just having a simple conversation about shows like The Fosters can help change the attitudes and perspectives to those who have subconsciously bought into these stereotypes.